Friday, January 18, 2013

Facing Fears

When you have an anxiety disorder, little things stress you out.  I know they're little things and I know it's ridiculous to be stressed out over it...but I am.  For example, a washcloth.

I had a ball of dishcloth cotton that was super cute.  A little on the small side to be a full dishcloth, but I could totally squeeze one out anyway.  Who cares if it's a few rows short, right?  It turns out, I do.  I worked on the dishcloth for a few days (not that diligently) and then set it on the couch so it could pester me until I finished it.  It was supposed to be for my web designer, part of a fun little set.  It still could be for that matter.

But for the three days that it sat there untouched, I started getting worried about it.  What if it's not enough yarn?  What am I going to do with it?  It's going to sit there, unfinished for years and years because I won't be able to find that color cotton again!  And since I know that this is ridiculous to worry about, I thought I can (a) find more yarn and finish it and probably make another in that color (b) frog it, and crochet it into the scrap rug like I probably should have in the first place or (c) make a short washcloth and use it anyway.

Since I was going to Joann Fabrics anyway for buttons, I decided to check out the yarn.  They didn't have it, and I'm not making a special trip to Michael's or Walmart for it.  So I'm going to make a short washcloth.  I was working away on it on the treadmill (treadmills get pretty boring when you're speedwalking/jogging for 6 miles) and I realized that I only had enough yarn for another inch or two, and it was just way too short.  I'd never use a washcloth this short.  And I'm too far in to frog it which means...I need to rethink this.  I ran for a bit.  It hit me that I could make a little sachet and stick some lavender in it- problem solved.  Except for I didn't have any lavender.  Crap.  Run a bit more.  I could stick some fancy sheep milk soap from the farmers market in it- I have 2 little bars upstairs!  Done! Slowed the treadmill down a bit, knitted a row of eyelet holes and then a few more rows of farrow rib until I was about out of yarn, then bound off.  It looked like this...
And after I crocheted the sides up and did a little white crochet chain it looked like this...
And after I stuck in those two fancy soaps from the farmers market and tied it shut, it looked like this!
Okay, not the washcloth I had in mind but I think it's still totally cute. And that's one more monkey off my back. Now I just need to decide what to do with it!

I faced another fear this week- I went to the dentist for the first time in 2 years.  I know I shouldn't be afraid of the dentist, but I am.  From the day I make the appointment to the day of appointment I have nightmares that look something like those Saw movies.  I'm also terribly afraid of needles (of the non-knitting variety) and the dentist uses some that look and feel like medieval torture devices.  I mean seriously- is there any need for a needle that big?  I was sweating a lot and trying really hard not to barf (it's my anxiety at it's peak) and they told me how nice my gums looked, and how little tartar I have, and all that good stuff....and I have a cavity that's between my teeth in a super crowded area and it's going to be a very big and painful filling next week.  There's going to be lots of shots and drilling.  And people can't figure out why I hate the dentist.  Oh- and one of Rob's best friends is a dentist. It takes everything I have to not punch him in the face when I see him. Hate the dentist.  Moving on!

I have a new project that I LOVE! It's super addictive, the yarn is lovely and it's the third one I've made of these and I love it as much as the first two.  It's also for my swap partner in the Outlander Swap, so I can't show you what it is in the event that my swap recipient gets a little snoopy (which I've totally stalked the person making my gift for clues so no judgement here).  But here's a little spoiler- it's some of my English stash- a hand dyed sock yarn from Lucy that has been waiting for the perfect project and I think this is it!  My recipient has a lot of fiber allergies so that means that 80% of my stash was not applicable to go in to this project.  Fortunately, this merino and tencel blend is- so I'm excited to finally have a reason to start a new sock yarn project!
I still have 2 more Lucy yarns in the stash...but I'm keeping those for me.

And I'm facing one more fear tomorrow (this is a fun and exciting thing though, not a painful one)- I'm learning to steek! I will do learning on a bright pink Malabrigo sweater that I made in college.  It was my first top down sweater and I learned a lot from it, like not to twist the stitches when you're picking up the arm stitches, waist shaping is my friend, and that necks that go straight across feel like I'm getting clotheslined by a very weak person all day long. It's also short- it barely goes past my belly button (I have a super long torso).  In short, it would be a great cardigan, as long as the sleeves aren't examined too closely!  I even have a little yarn leftover from the sweater so I know it will be a perfect dye lot match!  I also grabbed some buttons (had a few in the stash but found more like it at Joanns) so I'm ready to go...tomorrow. Madeline, still upset about me taking away her quilt, will probably be devastated again at the loss of her pink snuggy.
So that's it for today.  Still chugging along on a dishcloth for the swap, might have to make 1 more for my webby girl,  I can't show you my main project right  now and tomorrow I'll be cutting up an old sweater to make it fabulous and something I'll actually wear.  Have a great weekend! 

1 comment:

Bonnie said...

I've often wondered if it was possible to knit on the treadmill. I kept having visions of getting distracted and flying off the back! I'm very excited to see how your steeking goes. I'm afraid of steeks, but I really want to knit the Falling Stars cardigan from Knitpicks. I will take inspiration from your bravery!