I highly doubt anyone is reading this anymore, and that might be for the better.
It's been a long time since I wrote. Bike Boy and I finally got married. We moved to a bigger house. Good For Ewe grew. I got pregnant and cut my hours at the software company. We did a bunch of work on the house. I had that baby (Tia, girl, now 6 months old). I quit my job at the software company and took Good For Ewe full time. Good For Ewe stopped growing. I started going to therapy for postpartum depression. I began looking for part-time work and didn't find any. I started drinking a lot more bourbon. So now you're caught up.
I'm sure I'll raise some eyebrows for putting this in words, but motherhood isn't what I expected. Some things are better, and some things aren't. I love my little girl so much, but I'm not as enamored with being a mom. I go to group therapy weekly, and we talk about transitions in our roles. I went from artist/department coordinator to just mom. All day every day. I know keeping a teacup human alive is a thing, I just struggle feeling satisfied with my life when I'm crying at noon, in sweats that I've been wearing for 3 days with hair that hasn't been washed in a week. And that's just life now. And I feel like a complete jerk for not feeling all glowy and motherly. I'm just not that kind of person. I wish I'd known that sooner.
So here is my old/new journal of my life. There will be some knitting. There will be some quilting. Gardening. Baking. But I'm also going to get real with you about what it's like to be stuck at the bottom of a hole, trying to claw your way out, holding a baby.
See you around.
4 comments:
I can't say I've been actively checking in here, but you're still on my feed. :) I'm sorry you're going through all this, but I'm excited to see what you post. I hope thing get smoother for you.
Well done Paige for being so open about your feelings. I know what it is like and can reassure you that it does get better but boy is it hard when you are in that hole. Hang on in there girl. xx
I'd rather read something honest than sanitized any day. I think it's fantastic that you're doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and also that you're being honest about what you're feeling. I hope this period gets easier and easier.
Agree with Bonnie! I wish it was sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns for you. But if it isn't, you may as well be honest! I am proud to have you as my friend.
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