Monday, January 14, 2008

Man (Scarf) Laws

Walking around at Purdue in cold weather is always an enjoyable experience....the wind going straight through you, the shade of red my ears turn before they completely freeze and feel like they are about to crack off...etc. But there was something today that lifted my spirits. Okay, scratch that. There was something today that made me laugh. A guy. In a scarf. That was made of eyelash yarn.

Man Scarf Law #1. Men are to never EVER wear a scarf of any sort of novelty yarn.
Man Scarf Law #2. I don't care if your girlfriend made it, I said never.
Man Scarf Law #3. Varigated is okay, as long as it is subtle. Hot pink to lime green to highlighter yellow is not only over the top, it's also something a man should never wear. If I ever see this guy again, I will take a Sharpie and write EPIC FAIL on his forehead. Moving on.
Man Scarf Law #4. Stick with natural fibers in natural colors. Wool is good, so is cotton, linen, bamboo and other plant fibers. Angora and mohair is a bit over the top. I draw the line at cashmere, which is still a little fluffy for guys, but that doesn't matter. The man who wears a cashmere scarf has got taste. And I am single.
Man Scarf Law #5. These first four rules do not apply to bisexual or homosexual men. I do love my gay friends and thier fashion statements.

That's all I can think of right now...feel free to add your own!

Happy knitting and have a great day!

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

men should never wear scarves, but the council of manliness will review these ammendment proposals fairly.

Paige Darling said...

Thank you, anonymous council representative. I had no idea my blog was being watched for possible actual man laws.

Anonymous said...

The Council of Manliness is known internationally and headed by Chairman Bull Schmitt of Coffeeville, KS

Paige Darling said...

Seriously...who is this?

Anonymous said...

Chairman Schmitt has decreed, with all members voting, that real manly men are secure enough in their manliness to wear anything they please. One possible exception noted, the wearing of high heel shoes. High heels are a very bold fashion statement, but a possible safety hazard to other manly activities, such as logging and bull riding.

Paige Darling said...

I personally think there is nothing manlier than a man secure enough in his sexuality and balance to wear high heeled shoes. If you are not a student of history, especially that of Europe where your descencents most likely were born, then you should know that high heels were orignally worn by men and not women. The wearing of high heels often signified wealth and power in a man. Today men are mocked for wearing lifts and things to make them taller, and due to this, many men are trapped and unable to accept their physical appearances and go through life hating thier bodies. Kinda sounds farmiliar...

Anonymous said...

Paige,You certainly are a very good sport. Thank you for the history lesson, I seriously did find it interesting and will read more about it. Unfortunately I still think most of us here must refrain, from wearing high heels, not being wealthy enough to just stroll around being tall, manly and powerful. Except for Superman and Green Lantern we here at HQ are just working guys and safety is still an issue (Flash tried them once with disastrous results). You might be interested to know, that Superman and Batman cast the deciding votes in favor of scarves. They cite their capes as being modified scarves and like Chairman Schmitt says "You can't argue with that logic."

Paige Darling said...

Dear Sir,

I am most flattered to learn that my personal heroes, Batman and Superman had a say in my proposed ammendments to the Man Laws. I most certainly agree that a cape is a modified and therefore, acceptable version of the common scarf. On that note, I must add that the wearing of high heels has nothing to do with sissyness or any implied emasculation. Think of women of power, for example our sisters in the founding members of the Kick-Ass Women's Society, Catwoman, Wonderwoman and my alterego, Poison Ivy. We, I mean they, kick ass in stilettos, and that takes mad skill. It is even to the point that superheroines are downplayed unless they can fight crime in stiletto heels. It takes strength and stamina to do what we women do, and I can personally speak because I have, on numerous occasions, ridden the bull, fought crime and saved the day in heels.
Perhaps we can arrange a meeting to further discuss the modification of scarves into hero-acceptable garb or the influence of footwear on modern heroines?

Anonymous said...

Dear Founding Member,
Please excuse my tardy reply, upon hearing that we were in contact, with the Kick-Ass Woman's Society, Chairman Schmitt was speechless for a full sixteen hours and eleven minutes. He has now regained his composure and able to give guidance on the issues. Chairman Schmitt along with the other members, wants to clarify our position. We never implied high heels were sissylike, only that they should not be worn in dangerous situations by those unable to properly operate them. One of those hazards being, as you mentioned a lack of balance. Chairman Schmitt is very interested in your idea of modifying scarves and footwear. He has read your comments, regarding the strengths, skills and stamina of women, from beginning to end, and as he has said so many times "you can't argue with that logic" The Council of Manliness concedes that you are mostly correct and we have no further arguments to present. Thank you so much for your patience. RS

Paige Darling said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paige Darling said...

RS,

I am utterly at loss for words and am unable to give a proper response. For being such a good sport, loyal reader, and provider of hours of entertainment with your comments, I would like to buy you coffee.

If you are in the Indiapolis area, I will be at the Starbucks at 82nd between Bash and the Castleton Square mall at 2 pm on Wednesday the the 23rd of July. I will be the one knitting.

Paige

Paige Darling said...

RS-

Due to the sudden and unplanned arrival of a New Zealander in search of Foo Fighters tickets, I will have to reschedule my appearance at Starbucks to 2 pm on Friday the 25th. I appologize for any inconvinience and my misspelling of the word.

Anonymous said...

Paige,
I appreciate your offer, and would certainly like to satisfy your obvious curiosity, but the Council of Manliness is headquartered in Tulsa,OK. I know what your thinking, why don't I just ride up with Superman or Batman? Well JP4 fuel prices, for the Batmobile are so high right now, and I've never been comfortable flying around in Superman's arms, it has nothing to do with manliness, I just know someday he's going to drop someone and I don't want it to be me. I do regret not having the pleasure, of your company, you have been very gracious, if your ever in this area or close by, I extend to you the same courtesy. I can be reached at "counsilofmanliness@yahoo.com". We will give priority, to any questions you have regarding man laws. Maybe you have other questions, like why am I on your site in the first place, who is Chairman Schmitt? or just what kind of jackass am I? You might be amazed to know, that on rare occasions, I can carry on a sensible conversation. Be seeing you ;) RS

MACDUFFVSMACBETH said...

I understand how society thinks, but if they disgust me for what I like, it's their problem, not mine. I should be able to do what I like, and I can tell you all now, I find scarves pretty doggone cool!! Anybody who is with me, do not EVER be afraid to admit that, because standing up for what you believe in even when it seems like nobody else does is what really makes you a TRUE person of loyalty and bravery. Scarves are great, and I am not just A man, I'm THE man because of this instinct!! If people don't like it, too bad for them because it's not my problem!

dirigible said...

I realize that I am quite late to the party, but I just came across this post by the grace of Google while searching for pattern ideas for a man scarf. I have to say, the comment thread in response to this post has been quite a pleasure to read. Thank you, Ms. Darling and Anonymous, for a good chuckle on a dull day.

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